Bully

It must be Mama Bear week, because I'm in a tizzy about another individual who has threatened my cub. I am spitting, clawing, raging mad as any good mother would be when someone actively attempts to do harm to her child.

The problem with this, folks, is that the aggressor is 8 years old and she lives across the street.

I'll call her Mean Girl. She's the new kid on the block, just moved in at the end of summer. There is a recent divorce in the family, she seemed shy and so I was so willing to be inclusive-have her come over to play with Old Baby, invited her for dinner-the usual stuff. For a while it was fine, they seemed to get along well, and then something changed and I'm not sure why.

I have watched over the last few weeks as she has tried to play our other neighbor girl (Old Baby's BFF), whom I will call Sunshine, against Old Baby. I've seen Mean Girl whispering into Sunshine's ear and overheard some of the comments about what a baby Old Baby is (she's 2 years younger than Mean Girl) , I've heard her imperious tone, seen her get bossier, heard Sunshine's mother warn me that there was trouble, watched as she attempts to exclude Old Baby (in her own home, mind you) and I kept saying to myself that I would not get involved.

That changed this afternoon when Old Baby came home telling me that according to Sunshine, Mean Girl hates her.

Today, all three girls were at our house putting on play make-up and nail polish, playing Guitar Hero, getting along swimmingly- I thought. I was keeping a watchful eye and a listening ear and though there was a slight condescension in Mean Girl's voice, nothing alarming. After a while they went to Sunshine's house where they played for a few more hours, and then Old baby returned with this news: "Mom, I have something to tell you but I don't want to because I think it will hurt your fellings. Mean Girl said she hated me to Sunshine and she doesn't want Sunshine to play with me anymore."

At that moment I was struck by a couple of things: The first being that DAMN my child is keen in recognizing that I would be hurt by someone hating her, the second being that this is EXACTLY the kind of bullshit that happened to me when I was a kid...and I am not going to stand for it.

Girls do not fight fair, they are just as bad a boys when it comes to bullying. No, strike that, they are worse. The ringleader enlists the other girls so that the object of the bullying has no ally. They gossip, they sneer, they ostracize, they attempt to annihilate the girl by destroying her self esteem. I can recall being so afraid of what was going to be said to/about me on any given day that I would make myself sick so that I wouldn't have to go to school. (Of course, I would join the pack whenever the opportunity arose in order to avoid being the object, so I can see it from both sides). I do not, however, remember this being an issue at the age of 5. The really difficult thing about girl bullying is that they can feign concern for the victim so easily in front of parents/teachers, but the moment the authority figure is gone, they attack. Mean Girl has been pulling an Eddie Haskell on me and I suspected as much...damn, I should trust my instincts!

My dearest husband takes the attitude that we should simply tell Old Baby to ignore it and that it will eventually stop. My dearest husband was never a little girl, and never subjected to the type of colossal mind-fuck that an elementary school age girl can inflict on another. My dearest husband is completely wrong in this approach, and I told him so.

I cannot advise my child to ignore or avoid Mean Girl because we see her every day, and will probably be seeing her every day for years to come. We are going to have to do something.

For those of you who are concerned, I am not going to do anything rash. I am going to calmly and rationally approach Mean Girl's mother, a very nice woman whom I suspect has no idea what is going on. First, I am going to extend an invitation to our New Year's Eve party, then I will bring up these issues between our daughters, and I am going to make very clear that I cannot allow this to continue. I do not allow this type of behavior from my children, and I won't stand by and watch as someone mistreats another. This isn't just about my kid, and it isn't that the other kid is BAD, this isn't about me fighting my kid's battle for her- this is about the reality that parents need to protect their children as much as possible-sometimes from other children, sometimes from themselves.

I feel much better now, thank you for letting me vent, I'll let you know how it goes.