Is this some sort of a joke?

So, it is now established without a doubt that the elder of my two girls was the easy one and that the younger will challenge me to the end of my patience and beyond.

She is an escape artist. She has gotten away 3 times in the past week and to be honest I am considering the need for round the clock security guards as I clearly cannot keep track of her on my own. Twice she crossed the street and was discovered on the neighbors front porch, once by my neighbor (this time the police weren't involved). New Baby now knows how to push the screen door just right, so that she can squeeze her way out of the house, unbeknownst to me, when I'm doing something irresponsible like going to the bathroom or putting laundry away and thus not giving her my COMPLETE and UNDIVIDED attention. We have also found that the cat door in the kitchen is just the right size for a small creature like a cat, small dog or 19-month-old human to pass through-this we probably could have figured out had we thought to think of it...and don't get me started on her older sister's habit of flying out the door without noticing baby following at her heels.

The problem I have, aside from the safety issues, is that I feel like a bad mother who is failing repeatedly to keep her child safe. As soon as I think I have the solution, she finds a way around it, and to these actions I have begun to ascribe devious intent. In the same vein, New Baby will do something like, say, climb atop the computer desk and start dancing. She is immediately removed from this surface and put on the floor, and she looks up at me *winks* and climbs right back up as if to say "You and I both know that you can't keep me from dancing on the keyboard, why do you try?". Or she'll hit her sister, or the cat, or me, and give me the same *wink*. I assume that this has to be hardwired, Old Baby hasn't ever demonstrated such obstinacy

How does one effectively disciple a child who is not yet 2 years old? Redirection? Forget it-this child has one single purpose in life and that is to do whatever it is you are directing her from at the moment. Time outs are clearly not an option. Attempting to show her a better way or demonstrating another options are met with *winks*, and the occasional slap.

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(By the way, I'm really not asking for advice, so don't bother...sigh...this is my cross to bear...)