Who needs diamonds when I have dirty diapers?

For most of my life I have felt that everything was an uphill battle...there were certain standards that I was required (by myself) to try and live up to. I worried that I wasn't smart, pretty or talented enough. I wasn't successful enough- I would look at other people and compare where I was in my life to where I thought they were in their life and found myself falling short. I wasn't rich enough, or sophisticated enough...oh, I was a writhing mass of insecurities and discontent.

No more...for the first time in my (nearly) 32 years on this earth I am cool with myself and where I am.

I can't exactly pinpoint when things turned around for me, but I've come to the conclusion that it's foolish to spend energy worrying about what I don't have when everything I DO have could be taken away in a heartbeat.

There is much that I am thankful for: Two intelligent, beautiful, and healthy children, a smart and handsome husband, a comfortable home, and the fact that I can afford to stay home with my girls without wondering where our next meal will come from.

After 4.5 months of being home full time with Old Baby and New Baby I seem to have the hang of it. The main thing is to remember that I am home to care for my children, not to be a perfect housekeeper. This is difficult to keep in mind because I WANT TO BE FLAWLESS. It's been very humbling to realize that I cannot. I can keep the house reasonably tidy but not spotless, I can prepare meals but they may not be gourmet, and the kids are clean and fairly well dressed. That's good enough.

Since I have given up trying to be June Cleaver I have realized what a blast it is to be a mom.

New Baby is still tiny and portable, and usually content to observe...she's SO happy. Nothing but smiles and an attitude that seems to be "Just glad to be here, wherever that is." ( I admire that in a person.)

Old Baby and I make up songs on every topic imaginable, we talk about where EVERYTHING comes from: babies, plants, shirts, furniture, the universe ("Mommy, did God make himself?"), we feed birds and look for bugs, we have picnic lunches, we play at the park and go to the zoo and the library. Sometimes we hang out with other children and their moms, but mostly it is just us-and we love it.

I love it.