Who needs diamonds when I have dirty diapers?

For most of my life I have felt that everything was an uphill battle...there were certain standards that I was required (by myself) to try and live up to. I worried that I wasn't smart, pretty or talented enough. I wasn't successful enough- I would look at other people and compare where I was in my life to where I thought they were in their life and found myself falling short. I wasn't rich enough, or sophisticated enough...oh, I was a writhing mass of insecurities and discontent.

No more...for the first time in my (nearly) 32 years on this earth I am cool with myself and where I am.

I can't exactly pinpoint when things turned around for me, but I've come to the conclusion that it's foolish to spend energy worrying about what I don't have when everything I DO have could be taken away in a heartbeat.

There is much that I am thankful for: Two intelligent, beautiful, and healthy children, a smart and handsome husband, a comfortable home, and the fact that I can afford to stay home with my girls without wondering where our next meal will come from.

After 4.5 months of being home full time with Old Baby and New Baby I seem to have the hang of it. The main thing is to remember that I am home to care for my children, not to be a perfect housekeeper. This is difficult to keep in mind because I WANT TO BE FLAWLESS. It's been very humbling to realize that I cannot. I can keep the house reasonably tidy but not spotless, I can prepare meals but they may not be gourmet, and the kids are clean and fairly well dressed. That's good enough.

Since I have given up trying to be June Cleaver I have realized what a blast it is to be a mom.

New Baby is still tiny and portable, and usually content to observe...she's SO happy. Nothing but smiles and an attitude that seems to be "Just glad to be here, wherever that is." ( I admire that in a person.)

Old Baby and I make up songs on every topic imaginable, we talk about where EVERYTHING comes from: babies, plants, shirts, furniture, the universe ("Mommy, did God make himself?"), we feed birds and look for bugs, we have picnic lunches, we play at the park and go to the zoo and the library. Sometimes we hang out with other children and their moms, but mostly it is just us-and we love it.

I love it.

My dryer is not a Ferrari

The whole family went to the grocery store yesterday and in between trips to the margarita sample table I happened to notice a little display of summer items :bug spray, mosquito netting, charcoal, etc., and one of these seasonal offerings was a clothesline .

"Hm", I thought to myself, "I've never in my adult life used a clothesline...let's give it a whirl."

I put one in the cart and my husband simply snapped "ghetto". (I think he meant "country", because all the ghettos I've seen are a bit short on yard space for a clothesline). At any rate, I put it up and hung the sheets on it when we got home. Lo and behold, it only took about 15 or 20 minutes for those suckers to dry. Granted it was VERY windy, but this got me thinking: It doesn't take that long to simply hang your laundry, and it dries as fast as, if not faster than, using the dryer, and it uses 0 energy (aside from the energy it takes your lazy butt to actually do it). The sheets smell nice, they aren't as wrinkled. This is a clear case of win-win...so why the "ghetto" connotation?

Conspicuous energy consumption seems to be the status symbol we can all enjoy. Free wind energy? Boo! Hiss! That's for the disadvantaged! Burning fossil fuels to dry your sweater which probably wasn't really dirty enough to need to be washed in the first place? Great idea!

It's insidious, and all it takes is one trip to the supermarket to see how widespread it is. Packaging for consumables is crazy...I understand that you don't want your crackers crushed, but 3 layers of protection? Individually wrapped hotdogs? Apples in plastic trays? WATER IN INDIVIDUAL BOTTLES????

....and please don't get me started on all of the monsterous SUVs I see on the expressway during rush hour with one person in them because I will burst a blood vessel.

At the end of all this consumption, what happens? What are we left with?Are we any happier? Is our life improved? Are our children smarter/healthier/better adjusted? Will we lie on our deathbed and remember fondly how we got the most stuff and how we had the biggest pile of trash at the end?


Boo. Hiss.